Descriptive writing - Show and Tell

LI. To write a descriptive scene.This week we had to do a show and tell using this dlo. We had to use the 5 senses to show and tell this image. We had to write descriptive writing. This is my tell:Father and his  daughter went to the beach. It was her first time at the beach. It was a hot sunny day. They were walking along the water.The water was warm. She smelt salt. She saw the sand under the water. They had a great time. After that the mother made lunch as they watched the clouds.
This is my Show: Ella felt the waves crash onto her feet like a toy swung and hit her as her and her father walked along the beach. It was her first time at the beach. She could smell the salty vibes from the water. Ella could see the sand under the water clearly.  Her and her father Tom had a great time in the warm glistening water together. The water was a shiny star. After they had lunch with Glenn, Ella’s mother, then watched the clouds fly across the sky.